I have a question for all you guys. Do you think that the Audi is a worthwhile project? Do you think that it represents J.E.T Motorsport well? Has it become what J.E.T stands for?
I say this because moral for me has been at an all time low lately. My friends and I have put a lot of time and money into this project, and I am eternally grateful to them for the effort that they have put into J.E.T Motorsport. My mind though, keeps thinking “What if we never got the Audi? What if we got a car that didn’t cost nearly as much to maintain as the Audi does? What if I got rid of the Audi and focused on my BMW, built it and Autocrossed it?” I have been a mess lately. I still live at home with my parents, and my stuff and I have grown too big for my parents house. The problem though is that I can live at home with my family on the cheap. I am comfortable at home, calm, almost stable.
I only work part time at a tire shop, the rest of my time has been dedicated to furthering J.E.T. But, I feel like I haven’t put enough into it. I don’t feel like I have given it all I can. So I contemplate what I could do next. What would help me further myself and J.E.T Motorsport the most. That’s why I’m so torn. If I were to move out, I would make my parents happy because they would have more space around the house, but I’m not sure I would be able to support myself AND J.E.T at the same time. I don’t know if I make enough to do both. My dreams are to have my own race team. I also want my own shop where I can hang with my friends, work on cars and just all around have a good time. I want nothing more in life than to have those dreams become a reality. That’s why my conscience has been treading lightly with the major decisions lately. I don’t want to make a big mistake.
I know that making mistakes are what makes you who you are. Imperfection is inherent to human existence. Nobody gets anything right the first time. It takes many tries to do anything correctly, but what if I make so big of a mistake that there is no recovering from it? That’s why I’ve been so depressed lately and have been so stressed out lately. Part of me wants to build the Audi into an awesome rally car, but that may take a very long time, and certainly alot of money. Another part of me wants to try it again with another car, take the lessons we’ve learned and put them to good use on the next project, but could we be missing out on some amazing experiences if we stop and get rid of the Audi? What would we be missing out if we don’t move on and get another car. I’m not very good with the impulse decisions anymore. Adulthood has made me distrustful and fickle.
When I was a child and a teenager I was pretty good at trusting my gut when it came to impulse decisions. I did whatever my heart desired and didn’t really didn’t think of the repercussions. As a young adult, I’ve grown to think more about my decisions. I try to figure out what would happen if I were to sway me decisions a certain way. But doing that has made me indecisive. Eighteen year old be would probably say screw the Audi and move onto the next big thing.
I feel though that seventy year old me will regret not keeping the Audi, building it the way I want to. I would regret not challenging myself and hate myself for taking the easy way out. I would regret missing out on the experiences and new friends that the Audi would bring. If I were to stick with the Audi though, and keep the build from stalling out, I would need to go 150%. I feel that if I were to do that I would look back fondly on these times, remembering all the long hours and tons of money that I sank into this one car. At the same time though, eighteen year old me might make a better run of it. Sometimes an impulse decision turns out to be a great one. That’s why I’m so indecisive as to what steps need to be taken next. If we were to stick with the Audi it would be a long time before it would be at a point where we could do stage rally.
It feels though that time spent developing and learning with the car would be invaluable when it comes to running a stage rally. My fear though is that I’m driving off my friends and family with my indecisiveness. I fear that they will begin to distrust me and leave me to fade away, that’s why I need their help more than ever. I need them to push with me, and make something great of this team. I never created J.E.T to make money, or become famous. I did it because I wanted to have fun with my friends, gain new skills and experiences, and have something to show for it. Making a ton of money won’t mean as much to me as the times I will get to spend with my friends running a race team. As convenient as it would be to run a race team with stacks of cash to burn, I feel it will make us stronger and more independent if we do it all ourselves, not just throwing wads of money at someone else and telling them to do it. If I don’t have any money though it would be hard to do anything at all. Now you see my predicament.
These next few months will be crucial as to where J.E.T will end up in the future. We only get one life, I want to live it to the fullest. I don’t want to have any regrets. I want to leave something behind that will make me proud. Something that I can show my children, in the hopes that they follow in my footsteps and chase their dreams. I don’t want to get it wrong, thats almost reason enough to stick it out with the Audi and see where it goes. I have a feeling that I will learn things with that car that I just wouldn’t with any other.
So I end this plea for help/rant about life with a simple question. What do you think I should do?